Adventures in Babysitting

I don't have children. I don't want any. But, I absolutely adore my nieces. So, I was delighted when asked to babysit them for four days while their parents went on their first adults-only vacation since having children. S is four and a half and R is two and a half. They're both at really fun ages.

A couple weeks before the babysitting gig, I was running errands and spotted something I'd never seen in a store before: twisty balloons! You know, the long, thin ones you use to make balloon animals. I just had to get them.

I googled balloon animals and found a site that has videos showing how to make them. V laughed at me. But it's a month later and she's still enjoying her balloon frog.

It turns out that having children is a memory trip. The girls did things I remember doing when I was their age. More than that, I felt like I felt when I did them at their age.

When I dressed R in the mornings, I rolled up her socks and stretched them open with my index fingers so she could get them on easily. It seemed the obvious thing to do. I sat on the floor, she would stand and hold my shoulder, then lift her foot to put the sock on. I had a flashback to my mom putting my socks on that way. Then I remembered what it felt like to be two and have my socks put on. I wasn't imagining what it would be like. I was remembering what it was like. Wow.

The same thing happened when I pushed S on the swing and she tried to swing higher than her shadow. It happened again when she finished her bath. I opened the drain and she covered it with her little fingers and laughed while she tried to stop the water from getting away. It was so much fun. And it was nostalgic. But nostalgia was just the bridge to re-experiencing my youth. It was wonderful.

R makes the happiest sound I've ever heard. I wish I had a recording of it so I could put it on my mp3 player and listen to it whenever I want. You know those moments when you have a realization of something good, or you notice something new that delights you so much you can't be silent and you kind of go "Oh!" When that happens to R, her face brightens, she raises her hands, and she makes a lilting "Ah!" sound. It's a sound of discovery and joy that's childlike pure and makes me feel as joyful as she does. I love that sound!

And now for some practical advice. If you are inexperienced with children and find yourself babysitting, here are some things that will help.

It's important to know how much liquid a diaper will hold. Do a test if you need to. Take a measuring cup of water and fill the diaper. Subtract 10%. Then, schedule the diaper changes and drinks accordingly. You do not want to find yourself with an overflowing diaper in a car seat. Trust me. You really don't.

Parents are diligent about their children's diets. As an uncle or aunt you are allowed, nay required, to take liberties. The children will be missing their parents. They will need comforting and comfort foods. Indulge them. Also, try to ease up on the fiber and encourage more cheese. The kids will love it, and you will have fewer and more manageable poops to deal with. There is time for fiber once the parents return.

Learn a skill that you can have fun with and that can also be used as a distraction if needed. I learned to make balloon animals. The kids loved it. I loved it. Heck, everyone loved it. Even their dad ... until he realized that I had raised the bar and the kids might want more balloon animals after I left. Whoops! I hadn't considered the aftermath of being the best uncle ever. Buwaaaahahahaha!

I love being Uncle Rex.

Heard on Weeds

Nancy: "So, you had nothing to do with that pipe exploding?"

Doug: "That was clearly an act of God."

Nancy: "Well, tell God to watch his back."

Doug: "Nancy, don't anthropomorphize God."

Objectivist Social Network

A friend just told me about The Atlasphere, an online social network for Ayn Rand enthusiasts. The irony is of biblical proportions. In addition to being a social network, it advertises itself as a niche dating site. How do two Objectivists who don't know each other get together?

Objectivist Girl: "God, I hate people!"

Objectivist Guy: "God, you're hot when you're arrogant!"

Objectivist Girl: "God, you're hot when you're telling me I'm hot!"

A passionate embrace, kiss, and selfish sex ensue.

Oh, yeah, I used to be into Ayn Rand in college.

Writing

I don't like to write. I like having written.

When I'm writing, I usually don't like what shows up on the screen. I'm too close to it. There's the idea of what I want to say, then there's the inner critic that wants to jump in and fix things like grammar, style, and structure. To write well, I have to stifle the critic and be willing to write lots and write badly. The name I have for it is spilling my thoughts onto paper. Editing is for later.

Content is hard to come by. For me, it has to be stream of consciousness, or free writing. I have to be willing to write a lot, a lot of which may get deleted, to see where the writing is going and to see if there is any substance or value in it. I don't like that it works that way, but I've come to terms with it and I still get enough out of it to continue writing. And that surprises me.

Writing is very hard work. But I like reading what I've written. Before I can enjoy reading my own writing, I need to have some distance from it, and that means time. I need to let it go for at least a week. Then I can enjoy it as a reader and not read it form the perspective of an author or editor. I'll still edit it. I need to do that from a reader's perspective. When I'm writing, I know what I want to say and I usually think I've said it well. But I'm too close to it then. I need to lose my familiarity with it so I can see if readers will understand what I was trying to communicate. I know what I meant, but do they?

Once I get it right, I'll read it four or five more times just for the pure enjoyment of reading it. I'll still tinker with words and structure. But I'll know it's finished when I start rewriting things, then rewriting them back the way they were.

When I haven't written for a while, I long for that joy and I write again.

Getting Some Zen

I got an 8GB Creative Zen when it went on sale at Future Shop for $180 from $220.

My wife has a 4GB second gen iPod Nano. She got it for $220 a couple weeks before the third gen was announced with the 4GB model priced at $149. Figures.

I like the Nano. It does everything well. My only complaints are that the screens on the second gen models are too small, iPods are priced at a premium, and Apple seems insistent on deliberately leaving out features. So I tested the Creative waters.

So far, I'm happy with my Zen.

Likes:

• Price.
• Small size.
• Big, crisp 2.5" screen.
• Looks cool.
• Nice interface.
• 25 hr. battery life.
• SD slot.
• FM radio.
• Voice recorder.
• Video.
• Photo.
• Podcasts.
• Bookmarks.

Indifferent:

• Syncs with Outlook.

Dislikes:

• The navigation buttons are okay, but a click wheel would be better.
• The firmware is a bit buggy. Creative probably rushed the Zen to market for Christmas.
• Days after I made my purchase, Creative reduced prices and released a 32GB model. Figures.
• It doesn't worked with iTunes.

Since my music library is organized with iTunes, I tried using iTunes Agent. It's a free utility that allows iTunes to recognize non-iPod devices. Unfortunately, it didn't work for my Zen. iTunes Agent and other utilities that do the same thing require that a player be assigned a drive letter when connected to a computer. Many players get a drive letter assignment. Alas, the Zen does not.

I then tried Windows Media Player 11. It's a good jukebox, and it syncs with the Zen, but it really hates Apple and started moving music out of my iTunes directory and into My Music. Hey Bill, hands off my data!

I repaired my music library and tried Winamp 5.5. After the install, all my desktop icons had been shoved into columns at the left of my screen. Argh! Winamp works well, but when displaying content on the Zen, it only displays the music library, playlists, and video. It doesn't display the photo, voice recordings, and other folders. I'm not using them right now, but when I do, I'd like to be able to manage them all with the same software.

The Creative Media Explorer software that came with the player is very 1997. It puts a startup page in Windows Explorer with options like Browse Media, Manage Playlists, etc. It manages media by file and folder, exactly the same way Windows Explorer works. It's very cumbersome for managing a media library. It doesn't have a "smart" playlist function.

So, I'm up and running. I like the player. But the word's still out on media management. For now, I'll use Winamp. I've got my icons back in place and Winamp has behaved itself otherwise.

Ikea Product Names I'd Like To See

Whenever I go to Ikea, I always wish I had some product cards that I could put on the displays. The trouble is, I always think of it when I'm there, never before I go.

FLIMSY
WOBBLY
RICKETY
SKEWED

FRUMPY
BOXY
FLOPPSY
WIDGET

DORK
SPUD
DOOFUS
LOCO

Randy and Burton and Candy and Liz

Slowly over the last decade, Randy Bachman and Burton Cummings evolved into the Sweeney Sisters.

It was like one of those 3-D illusion pictures where you look at it, look at it, look at it ... then Bang! It's the frickin Sweeney sisters!

The first time Bachman and Cummings did something together after years of estrangement, it was unexpected and great. We just couldn't believe they were performing together again.

Then they started doing the occasional special event as The Guess Who. We couldn't get enough of them.

Then they started telling stories about the old days and how songs came to be. We loved it.

Several years in, I got off the bandwagon and starting asking, Why do people still get excited that these guys continue to play together?

Then it happened. They became Bachman & Cummings. They released a CD. They did a concert for TV. Burton's youthful black hair was a stark contrast to his geriatric skin. Their stories about the good old days became lounge-act banter.

Then they showed up live in the studio at WNED, the Buffalo, N.Y. PBS station. They talked to the host and played live during fund raising intermissions of their TV special. They nattered about how much they enjoy PBS television while the camera panned between them and the volunteers taking pledges on phones.

I have nothing against PBS or fund raising. I like The Guess Who, BTO, and some of Cummings' solo material. It's just that their transition to elder entertainers has been more caricature than graceful.